10 Terrible Mistakes You Make When Raising Your Children.

[LoShiNi]

If you’ve already tried everything possible to get your kids to listen and behave, and nothing works, you could be sabotaging your discipline efforts by falling for one of these 10 mistakes. Avoid them at all costs and observe how your children’s behavior starts to improve. Let’s begin:



1. Scold them in public

Of course, you need to get their attention if they run in the street or push another child. But avoid telling them off in front of others at all cost. By doing this, he or she may be more focused on who is listening to the conversation than on what you’re trying to tell them. Look for a private place where you can talk about what happened, or let them know that you’ll have to talk about it when you get home.



2. Give vague instructions

Have you told your child not to do something a thousand times and it seems like they just don’t understand? They might not clearly understand what you’re saying. The director of the Center for Children, Family and Community at the Central Michigan University recommends giving specific instructions. Tell your child what they SHOULD do (“Please, hang your coat on the hook when you get home”) instead of what NOT to do (“Don’t throw your things on the floor”). This way, you’ll avoid confusion.



3. Reward bad behavior

As a parent, sometimes, you take the easy way out and promise a reward for your kids in exchange for them to stop having a tantrum. While it may work at the time, all you’re doing is rewarding bad behavior. Don’t be surprised if they throw another tantrum the next time they want something. They have to understand that good behavior shouldn’t be rewarded.



4. Not keeping in mind when they’re hungry or tired

You can’t expect your child to be on their best behavior when they’re hungry. Hunger makes it difficult to concentrate and can result in bad behavior. Try what Dr. Reischer calls a “position marker.” Immediately acknowledge what they did wrong (“I saw you take away your brother’s toy”) and promise that they’ll talk about this later (“You’re hungry, right? Let’s talk about this after a snack”). This type of discipline also works when they’re sleepy… or when you are. After all, if you’re tired or sleepy, you’ll probably be in a bad mood as well.



5. Keep insisting

Of course, you need to let them know that they’ve done something bad, but their mischief doesn’t need a two-hour scolding (they probably aren’t even listening anyway). Instead, simply explain why what they did wasn’t a good idea and make sure they know that they shouldn’t do it again. Then, change the subject.



6. Go crazy

It’s hard to remain calm when your child throws your favorite earrings in the toilet. But screaming won’t solve anything. “Kids can’t learn a lesson when you shout at them. They close up or get mad in response,” says Dr. Niec.



7. Taking things to heart

Kids act out for any number of reasons: lack of self control, desire to push boundaries, or need for your attention. But it isn’t because they don’t love you. “Often, bad behavior is because the child is exploring how to get what they want, be it affection, ice cream, or five more minutes of play time,” says Dr. Reischer. Getting angry without reason can make you seem less affectionate, which may weaken your bond. Keep showing them love, but also let them know you respect them and you expect the same from them.



8. Make comparisons

“Discipline needs to be focused on the way your child behaves, not how they do it compared to somebody else,” says Dr Reischer. Avoid comparing your children with each other, or with other kids, at all costs. Instead, let them know when they do something well.



9. Exaggerated punishment

It’s easy to get carried away when you’re mad with your child. According to Dr. Reischer, for discipline to be effective, it should be proportional to the bad behavior, not to your level of frustration. Not only is excessive punishment unfair, but it’s also a huge challenge to fulfill. To avoid irrational punishment, establish house rules, in which the logical consequences are established beforehand.



10. Inconsistent rules

“Inconsistency sends the message that you aren’t really in charge,” says Dr. Gardere. It’s also confusing for a child. If you let them kick you for fun when you’re playing, they may assume that it’s okay to do it when you’re mad. Avoid falling into this trap by regularly reconsidering your expectations.