Author Topic: ~ Funny Quotes ~ (Read 16358 times)

MysteRy · « **Reply #135 on:** June 06, 2018, 07:44:16 PM »

[highlight-text]Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don't mind it doesn't matter.

Mark Twain

MysteRy · « **Reply #136 on:** June 06, 2018, 07:44:53 PM »

[highlight-text]The four building blocks of the universe are fire water gravel and vinyl.

Dave Barry

MysteRy · « **Reply #137 on:** June 06, 2018, 07:45:33 PM »

[highlight-text]I don't have a bank account because I don't know my mother's maiden name.

Paula Poundstone

MysteRy · « **Reply #138 on:** June 06, 2018, 07:46:21 PM »

[highlight-text]I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead. Not sick. Not wounded. Dead.

Woody Allen

MysteRy · « **Reply #139 on:** June 06, 2018, 07:49:59 PM »

[highlight-text]I know I am getting better at golf because I am hitting fewer spectators.

Gerald R. Ford

MysteRy · « **Reply #140 on:** June 06, 2018, 07:50:37 PM »

[highlight-text]Here's a thought for sweat shop owners: Air Conditioning. Problem solved.

Mitch Hedberg

MysteRy · « **Reply #141 on:** June 06, 2018, 07:53:29 PM »

[highlight-text]I did not have three thousand pairs of shoes I had one thousand and sixty.

Imelda Marcos

MysteRy · « **Reply #142 on:** June 08, 2018, 08:53:58 PM »

[highlight-text]Golf is not a matter of life or death. It is much more important than that.

Rod Powers

MysteRy · « **Reply #143 on:** June 08, 2018, 08:55:01 PM »

[highlight-text]Moderation is a virtue only in those who are thought to have an alternative.

Henry Kissinger

MysteRy · « **Reply #144 on:** June 08, 2018, 08:57:01 PM »

[highlight-text]There's a great power in words if you don't hitch too many of them together.

Josh Billings

MysteRy · « **Reply #145 on:** June 08, 2018, 08:57:53 PM »

[highlight-text]I saw this wino, he was eating grapes. I was like, 'Dude, you have to wait.'

Mitch Hedberg

MysteRy · « **Reply #146 on:** June 08, 2018, 09:01:32 PM »

[highlight-text]I don't like talking to people I know, but strangers, I have no problem with.

Larry David

MysteRy · « **Reply #147 on:** June 08, 2018, 09:02:20 PM »

[highlight-text]I don't say my golf game is bad but if I grew tomatoes they'd come up sliced.

Miller Barber

MysteRy · « **Reply #148 on:** June 08, 2018, 09:03:01 PM »

[highlight-text]A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.

Groucho Marx

MysteRy · « **Reply #149 on:** June 08, 2018, 09:03:56 PM »

[highlight-text]Any girl can be glamorous. All you have to do is stand still and look stupid.

Hedy Lamarr

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