Author Topic: ~ Funny Quotes ~ (Read 16290 times)

MysteRy · « **Reply #150 on:** June 08, 2018, 09:04:45 PM »

[highlight-text]I'm kidding about having only a few dollars. I might have a few dollars more.

James Brown

MysteRy · « **Reply #151 on:** June 08, 2018, 09:06:29 PM »

[highlight-text]The only time a woman really succeeds in changing a man is when he is a baby.

Natalie Wood

MysteRy · « **Reply #152 on:** June 08, 2018, 09:07:05 PM »

[highlight-text]Until you walk a mile in another man's moccasins you can't imagine the smell.

Robert Byrne

MysteRy · « **Reply #153 on:** June 08, 2018, 09:08:24 PM »

[highlight-text]People always ask me 'Were you funny as a child?' Well no I was an accountant.

Ellen DeGeneres

MysteRy · « **Reply #154 on:** June 08, 2018, 09:12:34 PM »

[highlight-text]Recession is when a neighbor loses his job. Depression is when you lose yours.

Ronald Reagan

MysteRy · « **Reply #155 on:** June 08, 2018, 09:13:47 PM »

[highlight-text]I like rice. Rice is great when you're hungry and you want 2,000 of something.

Mitch Hedberg

MysteRy · « **Reply #156 on:** June 08, 2018, 09:19:24 PM »

[highlight-text]Happiness is having a large loving caring close-knit family... in another city.

George Burns

MysteRy · « **Reply #157 on:** June 08, 2018, 09:20:08 PM »

[highlight-text]A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones that need the advice.

Bill Cosby

MysteRy · « **Reply #158 on:** June 08, 2018, 09:21:09 PM »

[highlight-text]I don't think anyone should write their autobiography until after they're dead.

Samuel Goldwyn

MysteRy · « **Reply #159 on:** June 08, 2018, 09:21:48 PM »

[highlight-text]I sang in the choir for years even though my family belonged to another church.

Paul Lynde

MysteRy · « **Reply #160 on:** June 13, 2018, 10:39:40 PM »

[highlight-text]I'd never been in play long enough for the flowers to die in the dressing room.

Mercedes McCambridge

MysteRy · « **Reply #161 on:** June 13, 2018, 10:40:25 PM »

[highlight-text]Never raise your hand to your children - it leaves your midsection unprotected.

Robert Orben

MysteRy · « **Reply #162 on:** June 13, 2018, 10:41:19 PM »

[highlight-text]Smoking kills. If you're killed you've lost a very important part of your life.

Brooke Shields

MysteRy · « **Reply #163 on:** June 13, 2018, 10:41:59 PM »

[highlight-text]I had a parrot. The parrot talked, but it did not say 'I'm hungry,' so it died.

Mitch Hedberg

MysteRy · « **Reply #164 on:** June 13, 2018, 10:42:45 PM »

[highlight-text]When life gives you lemons, don't make lemonade, make life take the lemons back!

Cave Johnson

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