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~ Funny Quotes ~
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Topic: ~ Funny Quotes ~ (Read 16353 times)
MysteRy
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♥♥ Positive Thinking Will Let U Do Everything ♥♥
Re: ~ Funny Quotes ~
«
Reply #165 on:
June 13, 2018, 10:43:47 PM »
[highlight-text]It is even harder for the average ape to believe that he has descended from man.
Henry Mencken
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MysteRy
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Posts: 218362
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♥♥ Positive Thinking Will Let U Do Everything ♥♥
Re: ~ Funny Quotes ~
«
Reply #166 on:
June 13, 2018, 10:44:29 PM »
[highlight-text]I don't want to play golf. When I hit a ball I want someone else to go chase it.
Rogers Hornsby
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MysteRy
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♥♥ Positive Thinking Will Let U Do Everything ♥♥
Re: ~ Funny Quotes ~
«
Reply #167 on:
June 13, 2018, 10:45:40 PM »
[highlight-text]When I was a boy, I laid in my twin-sized bed and wondered where my brother was.
Mitch Hedberg
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MysteRy
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♥♥ Positive Thinking Will Let U Do Everything ♥♥
Re: ~ Funny Quotes ~
«
Reply #168 on:
June 13, 2018, 10:46:17 PM »
[highlight-text]I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first divorced me and the second won't.
Anonymous
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MysteRy
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Posts: 218362
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♥♥ Positive Thinking Will Let U Do Everything ♥♥
Re: ~ Funny Quotes ~
«
Reply #169 on:
June 13, 2018, 10:46:53 PM »
[highlight-text]A government that robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul.
George Bernard Shaw
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MysteRy
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♥♥ Positive Thinking Will Let U Do Everything ♥♥
Re: ~ Funny Quotes ~
«
Reply #170 on:
June 18, 2018, 08:52:35 PM »
[highlight-text]I always wanted to be somebody but now I realize I should have been more specific.
Lily Tomlin
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MysteRy
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♥♥ Positive Thinking Will Let U Do Everything ♥♥
Re: ~ Funny Quotes ~
«
Reply #171 on:
June 18, 2018, 08:53:24 PM »
[highlight-text]After a year of therapy my psychiatrist said to me 'Maybe life isn't for everyone.'
Larry Brown
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MysteRy
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♥♥ Positive Thinking Will Let U Do Everything ♥♥
Re: ~ Funny Quotes ~
«
Reply #172 on:
June 18, 2018, 08:54:59 PM »
[highlight-text]Older people shouldn't eat health food they need all the preservatives they can get.
Robert Orben
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MysteRy
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♥♥ Positive Thinking Will Let U Do Everything ♥♥
Re: ~ Funny Quotes ~
«
Reply #173 on:
June 18, 2018, 08:55:55 PM »
[highlight-text]Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die.
Mel Brooks
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MysteRy
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♥♥ Positive Thinking Will Let U Do Everything ♥♥
Re: ~ Funny Quotes ~
«
Reply #174 on:
June 18, 2018, 08:56:47 PM »
[highlight-text]I bought a seven-dollar pen because I always lose pens and I got sick of not caring.
Mitch Hedberg
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MysteRy
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Posts: 218362
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♥♥ Positive Thinking Will Let U Do Everything ♥♥
Re: ~ Funny Quotes ~
«
Reply #175 on:
June 18, 2018, 08:57:33 PM »
[highlight-text]Brought up to respect the conventions love had to end in marriage. I'm afraid it did.
Bette Davis
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MysteRy
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♥♥ Positive Thinking Will Let U Do Everything ♥♥
Re: ~ Funny Quotes ~
«
Reply #176 on:
June 18, 2018, 08:58:29 PM »
[highlight-text]If you have dentures, don't use artificial sweetener, cause you'll get a fake cavity.
Mitch Hedberg
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MysteRy
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♥♥ Positive Thinking Will Let U Do Everything ♥♥
Re: ~ Funny Quotes ~
«
Reply #177 on:
June 18, 2018, 08:59:20 PM »
[highlight-text]If I had a dollar for every time I said that, I'd be making money in a very weird way.
Mitch Hedberg
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MysteRy
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♥♥ Positive Thinking Will Let U Do Everything ♥♥
Re: ~ Funny Quotes ~
«
Reply #178 on:
June 18, 2018, 09:00:02 PM »
[highlight-text]A fly was very close to being called a 'land,' cause that's what they do half the time.
Mitch Hedberg
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MysteRy
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Posts: 218362
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♥♥ Positive Thinking Will Let U Do Everything ♥♥
Re: ~ Funny Quotes ~
«
Reply #179 on:
June 18, 2018, 09:00:50 PM »
[highlight-text]If people focused on life's really important matters there'd be a shortage of golf clubs.
Anonymous
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