Author Topic: ~ Funny Quotes ~  (Read 2362 times)

Offline MysteRy

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Re: ~ Funny Quotes ~
« Reply #165 on: June 13, 2018, 10:43:47 PM »
It is even harder for the average ape to believe that he has descended from man.

Henry Mencken

Offline MysteRy

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Re: ~ Funny Quotes ~
« Reply #166 on: June 13, 2018, 10:44:29 PM »
I don't want to play golf. When I hit a ball I want someone else to go chase it.

Rogers Hornsby

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Re: ~ Funny Quotes ~
« Reply #167 on: June 13, 2018, 10:45:40 PM »
When I was a boy, I laid in my twin-sized bed and wondered where my brother was.

Mitch Hedberg

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Re: ~ Funny Quotes ~
« Reply #168 on: June 13, 2018, 10:46:17 PM »
I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first divorced me and the second won't.

Anonymous

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Re: ~ Funny Quotes ~
« Reply #169 on: June 13, 2018, 10:46:53 PM »
A government that robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul.

George Bernard Shaw

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Re: ~ Funny Quotes ~
« Reply #170 on: June 18, 2018, 08:52:35 PM »
I always wanted to be somebody but now I realize I should have been more specific.

Lily Tomlin

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Re: ~ Funny Quotes ~
« Reply #171 on: June 18, 2018, 08:53:24 PM »
After a year of therapy my psychiatrist said to me 'Maybe life isn't for everyone.'

Larry Brown

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Re: ~ Funny Quotes ~
« Reply #172 on: June 18, 2018, 08:54:59 PM »
Older people shouldn't eat health food they need all the preservatives they can get.

Robert Orben

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Re: ~ Funny Quotes ~
« Reply #173 on: June 18, 2018, 08:55:55 PM »
Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die.

Mel Brooks

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Re: ~ Funny Quotes ~
« Reply #174 on: June 18, 2018, 08:56:47 PM »
I bought a seven-dollar pen because I always lose pens and I got sick of not caring.

Mitch Hedberg

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Re: ~ Funny Quotes ~
« Reply #175 on: June 18, 2018, 08:57:33 PM »
Brought up to respect the conventions love had to end in marriage. I'm afraid it did.

Bette Davis

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Re: ~ Funny Quotes ~
« Reply #176 on: June 18, 2018, 08:58:29 PM »
If you have dentures, don't use artificial sweetener, cause you'll get a fake cavity.

Mitch Hedberg

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Re: ~ Funny Quotes ~
« Reply #177 on: June 18, 2018, 08:59:20 PM »
If I had a dollar for every time I said that, I'd be making money in a very weird way.

Mitch Hedberg

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Re: ~ Funny Quotes ~
« Reply #178 on: June 18, 2018, 09:00:02 PM »
A fly was very close to being called a 'land,' cause that's what they do half the time.

Mitch Hedberg

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Re: ~ Funny Quotes ~
« Reply #179 on: June 18, 2018, 09:00:50 PM »
If people focused on life's really important matters there'd be a shortage of golf clubs.

Anonymous

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