Author Topic: ~ Funny Quotes ~ (Read 16661 times)

MysteRy · « **Reply #75 on:** May 31, 2018, 10:37:30 PM »

[highlight-text]Television is a medium because anything well done is rare.

Fred Allen

MysteRy · « **Reply #76 on:** May 31, 2018, 10:38:09 PM »

[highlight-text]If you want to make God laugh, tell him your future plans.

Woody Allen

MysteRy · « **Reply #77 on:** May 31, 2018, 10:40:36 PM »

[highlight-text]He taught me housekeeping; when I divorce I keep the house.

Zsa Zsa Gabor

MysteRy · « **Reply #78 on:** May 31, 2018, 10:41:12 PM »

[highlight-text]In comic strips the person on the left always speaks first.

George Carlin

MysteRy · « **Reply #79 on:** May 31, 2018, 10:41:53 PM »

[highlight-text]My Father had a profound influence on me. He was a lunatic.

Spike Milligan

MysteRy · « **Reply #80 on:** May 31, 2018, 10:42:35 PM »

[highlight-text]I don't consider myself bald, I'm just taller than my hair.

Seneca

MysteRy · « **Reply #81 on:** May 31, 2018, 10:43:11 PM »

[highlight-text]My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.

Mitch Hedberg

MysteRy · « **Reply #82 on:** May 31, 2018, 10:43:57 PM »

[highlight-text]Get your facts first then you can distort them as you please.

Mark Twain

MysteRy · « **Reply #83 on:** May 31, 2018, 10:44:51 PM »

[highlight-text]Between two evils I always pick the one I never tried before.

Mae West

MysteRy · « **Reply #84 on:** May 31, 2018, 10:45:29 PM »

[highlight-text]Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country.

Steven Wright

MysteRy · « **Reply #85 on:** June 03, 2018, 01:24:27 PM »

[highlight-text]I used to jog but the ice cubes kept falling out of my glass.

David Lee Roth

MysteRy · « **Reply #86 on:** June 03, 2018, 01:24:55 PM »

[highlight-text]If God wanted us to bend over he'd put diamonds on the floor.

Joan Rivers

MysteRy · « **Reply #87 on:** June 03, 2018, 01:25:24 PM »

[highlight-text]My theory is that all of Scottish cuisine is based on a dare.

Mike Myers

MysteRy · « **Reply #88 on:** June 03, 2018, 01:25:49 PM »

[highlight-text]Roses are red violets are blue I'm schizophrenic and so am I.

Oscar Levant

MysteRy · « **Reply #89 on:** June 03, 2018, 01:26:17 PM »

[highlight-text]I haven't slept for ten days, because that would be too long.

Mitch Hedberg

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