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[highlight-text]Weather forecast for tonight: dark.
George Carlin
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[highlight-text]As a matter of principle I never attend the first annual anything.
George Carlin
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[highlight-text]Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.
George Carlin
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[highlight-text]The IQ and the life expectancy of the average American recently passed each other going in the oposite direction.
George Carlin
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[highlight-text]Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?
George Carlin
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[highlight-text]I'm not concerned about all hell breaking loose but that a PART of hell will break loose... it'll be much harder to detect.
George Carlin
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[highlight-text]Honesty may be the best policy but it's important to remember that apparently by elimination dishonesty is the second-best policy.
George Carlin
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[highlight-text]Well if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire what do freedom fighters fight? They never mention that part to us do they?
George Carlin
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[highlight-text]Some national parks have long waiting lists for camping reservations. When you have to wait a year to sleep next to a tree something is wrong.
George Carlin